my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
