My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
