Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
