lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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