maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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