Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
