Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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