hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize