i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wear drunk well.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
