He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
