I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
