You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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