I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
