You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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