she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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