Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
