what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
