if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am midnight drunk by noon
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize