He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
