yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
