So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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