Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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