i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
