It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
