Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
