A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
