In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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