I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
