people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
