Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
