38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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