You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
