She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
