He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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