i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you win again, gameday.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
