The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
