I want to make a zoo with you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
