i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
