I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
