i permit you to call me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize