His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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