Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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