You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
