and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize