I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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