put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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