i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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