I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
