shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
