I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
