My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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