i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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