Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
