Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
