Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
