i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
