Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
