I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
