Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
