Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
