i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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