stop calling my apartment porn island.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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