I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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