and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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