Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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