I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
