Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
