Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
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If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
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Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize