The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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