You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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