Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
