i think my tv is drunk
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
