im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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