We named our party play list daddy issues
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
