just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Never underestimate the power of titties
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
