He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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