he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
