she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
