I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
