My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
