1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
