I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
